A Hero’s  Lament

By Fredrick Williams

Here I now stand, safe at home
from my duty so proud;
but somehow, I feel miserably endowed.
With this doomed thought,
I am lost in a heightened alert;
a feeling that I can never return
from this constant state of hurt.

To a life I once knew,
to be alive and well;
but has regretfully given way,
to a lifestyle of anxiety and hell.

So I try my best
to get back to the life I had before,
only to sadly discover
that I cannot cope anymore
With the everyday activities
that were so simple and mundane,
so I hide behind a recluse world
which relentlessly causes me to wade
Into a habitual tendency
of enabling abuse,
hoping it will deaden my pain,
from this ever-tightening noose.

Where I now suspect everyone,
family, friend, and foe,
of attributing to my plight
of ever-worsening woe.
As I begin to pessimistically think
if this situation will ever mitigate,
before I slip into the dark side of myself,
in the fear, it will be too late.
But they say they can offer help
to get past this perilous stage;
and rebuild a better life,
where I can again gradually come of age.

And therefore, return to a sense of normalcy
and forget these horrible notions,

that come to me in my thoughts and dreams,
in an array of sleepless nights and haunting emotions.
Which leaves me all to wonder,
how am I ever to pull through,

and arrive at the other side of this abyss,
where I am revitalized and born anew?
Or is it a bigger question
pertaining to life and living;
a conscious state where I must grow
beyond the personal guilt and forever be forgiving

Of myself and of those
who have toed the line,
for our country and friends,
who have helped us to greatly define
That for one to choose a career
to assist their fellow man despite every threat,
is to offer up one’s life in honour
with a commitment that can only be met.
With the ultimate sacrifice
to serve, protect, and save,
which can only be matched
if so generously gave

Through heartfelt efforts,
lest they be vainly forgot,
in the slums of this illness,
where my sacrificial deeds run the risk
of being deemed all for naught.

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Canadian Military Family Magazine